Facing my apprehensions

[twowheeltherapy]

Hello Friends,

Well, it's been exactly 18 months since my heart transplant. I'll be honest with you. Though I (and my family) have been changed forever from this experience, it's taken more than a year to PHYSICALLY regain strength and a sense of normalcy.

But something else has emerged. You know how every motorcyclist rides understanding the risks involved? Well, now that I finally feel capable and excited to ride again, something new has emerged in my mind. I can't help but weigh those risks. Those risks have taken on a whole new meaning. All I see in my minds eye are the concerned faces of my kids and wife as they stood over me in the hospital bed all those months on end. How they willingly stopped their own lives to be with and care for me and each other. They were asked to prepare themselves to losing their dad, on several occasions. Their presence and determination convinced me of their love, and actually gave me the strength I needed to fight and win. They all knew this was something beyond my control, something I did not bring upon myself. So for me to do something today that is in my control (like riding), well, the thought of something happening to me that puts them in that situation again is more than I can take. I simply cannot bring myself to put them through that again. And that's only if I'm just injured. God knows how broken they would be if an innocent ride for pleasure is what takes me out.

But fret not! Like the title says, it's what I'm facing. It's my battle. I'm still riding but it's on my mind when I do. If I choose to take the truck instead of the bike, when running simple errands, that's the reason why. Does any of this make sense? I'm not going to stop living. My family wants me to live life. I will live and enjoy this second chance I've been given. I will not live in fear or lose out on living because of all the what if's that exists. It's just what my reality is right now.

This past weekend, I was out on the bike for a whole 4 hours (which is a lot for me). It felt really good. But a very noticeable decel popping has appeared and I just don't know how or why. No work has been done recently. It sat for 6 months on battery tender, only being started 3 or 4 times during that time. But after that (In the last 15 months) I've ridden it maybe 5 times for about 30 minutes each time and it was fine. But this weekend it was different. It struggles to stay a smooth idle and would die if I didn't stay on top of it, and pops rapidly during decel. Its never done any of that ever before. I don't have the means or know how to look into it even if I knew where the problem was. The carb was jetted back in 2009 and never touched again.


Anyways, ride safe, and ride often, my friends. And most importantly live your life, love your family, and thank God everyday for what you have.

[Shores]

Great to hear from you Jeff. You’re apprehensions make total sense to me. Enjoy your family doing things you all like together. Ride in between, but don’t take risks, don’t get fatigued and stay on lightly traveled roads when you can. Don’t know what the roads are like where you are in CA. You are lucky your family supports your interest in returning to riding. I’d say run a bunch of Seafoam or Techron through that engine per instructions to clean the fuel system.

[twowheeltherapy]

Good to hear from you too, Steve. Just bought some seafoam last night. Thanks for all the advice. Yes, I calculate staying on lightly traveled roads. Another thing I noticed that's kinda weird, I don't want to be away from home hours on end on a ride like before. Weird.

[Horsehammerr]

The only time my '01 did the rapid decel popping , was after sitting over the winter and I guess some kind of corrosion happened between the Header Flanges and the Gasket Rings . I took them apart and buffed the connecting surfaces with Scotchbrite pad , put a thin coat of High Heat Silicone gasket sealer on both sides of the gaskets , tightened ever thing Guttentight . Let it set there 12+ hours and that fixed it 4 years ago and counting .

[twowheeltherapy]

Thank you for the tip.

[brianmac]

I don't want a lessen anything going on in your life, but the things that you say remind me when I was 18 or 19, and we had to put the bikes up for the winter, we sat around and did not ride due to weather conditions. While doing so, we developed a fear of riding because we were not riding, it happens anytime you get off the bike, I suppose, you question your own ability. Jeff I'm sure you can do it just take it one step at a time. Also consider downsizing. I'm at that age also. My right hip had to be replaced twice. I still ride daily, but I'm getting ready for the future, I have a v Star 1100 also I which is a few hundred pounds less, and I have a Yamaha C3 scooter for putting around the neighborhood, otherwise known as a pit bike. Downsizing. I'm still looking for something in the middle class, something like the old ujm's universal Japanese motorcycle. Something that has flat seat tanks and handlebars set up a little bit, there's not much in this class except for a triumph. No I don't drive down the freeway everyday so I don't have to worry about that kind of danger, but I will say don't let self-fulfilling prophecy interfere with your writing . In other words keep your mind off your problems, and keep a clear head when you're riding. God bless you also. And yeah sounds like you got a little crap in your carb. I would do it all the boys above suggest, in addition drain the float bowl into a coffee filter and see what comes out. Just remember you can take the bowl off without carburetor or gas tank removal. It's a little tricky but you get used to it.. iRS is daily Rider still

[twowheeltherapy]

Thank you for sharing your experience. Self fulfilling prophecy is born out of fear. By letting fear be front and center, it actually gives it permission to take up residency. In so doing, it now has power to bring about the very thing you dread. (what a man fears will come upon him). This is not that.

[Lug Nut]

Sounds like air leak... Nipple on top of carb... Enricher cover.... Manifold crack.... Propane torch or starting fluid sprayed around while running will help identify. Also use seafoam for next 3 fill ups to help clean stuff out. If that doesn't work drop the bowl and pull jets and clean them out... Check gaskets that you can see as well.

As far as fear, not wanting to "inconvience" family etc.... Live life for you first. You assess risks. You take risks. You take care of yourself and let others take care of themselves. Waaaaaay too overwhelming to try to please everyone or take care Of everyone. Your obligation is primarily to yourself in terms of riding your bike or not. Don't let the fear others have affect your decisions.

[twowheeltherapy]

Thanks for the tips to check, Lug Nut. Besides Seafoam, I'll start there before next ride.
Btw, this is bigger than inconveniencing the family and has nothing to do with trying to please everyone. No one is putting fear on me that's affecting my desire to ride. It's just when you face death and see first hand how it's impacting your family, it brings to light a new perspective.

[Blackcloud12]

Very thought provoking post. I found myself in a similar deep thought after I found out I was going to be a dad. I rode sportbikes through my 20s and 30s, and of course being young didn't have much consideration into the future. Suddenly all that "responsibility" came into the forefront once I had a little girl in my arms. I by no means was ready to give up riding but I knew I had to change things; my back and wrists couldn't really do it anymore anyway; but maybe that was my justification. So I sold the Ducati which I absolutely adored and made my way to a cruiser. I know full well that being on a cruiser doesn't remove the hazard; but it does temper my part of it; in the sportbike world if I couldn't see 100 at least once I felt like a caged beast. Thankfully the Roadstar is a different animal and we've grown together. The good Lord will come calling one day for all of us- I don't want to leave anything on the table, but I'm not trying to cut in line either.
As to your other problem- to me it sounds like the pilot circuit is not quite working right. Not trying to step on any toes here but we always found with sportbikes fuel system cleaner provided marginal results since a motorcycle carb moves such a small amount of fuel. If the pilot jet is easy to get to (should be accessible after the floatbowl is off) it's easier to spray carb clean straight through it.
Take care.

[twowheeltherapy]

Yes, becoming a dad changes things! I also ride a different bike along with the roadstar. A Yamaha Bolt. Smaller, lighter. Isn't it interesting how different bikes set a different tone? Thanks for sharing.

[Doc_V]

Hey Jeff, good to hear from you! I don't think anyone can fault you for your hesitations. You're been through hell and it's completely understandable. In fact I think it's pretty common for someone in your situation. And while you didn't mention it, I'm sure it's difficult when something that used to mean so much to you, even helped make life bearable, is now being threatened because it's "bad". Sort of a, damned if you do, damned if you don't. And that can't be easy either. You've got a lot on your mind, and yes, there's a lot at stake.

While it can't possibly compare to what you're going through, I once had to give up riding because my health had declined and I no longer enjoyed it. I just felt uncomfortable every time I rode. When I eventually did back out there, for a long time my head was filled with thoughts of wrecking each time I got on the bike. I knew this wasn't healthy, and even dangerous, because it can become a self fulfilling prophecy if your mind is fixated on the wrong things. Just keep your head in the right place and know that whatever you choose is OK.

As for the popping on decel, that's due to a lean issue. If the bike has sat, it's entirely possible some of the fuel has turned to vanish and clogged the jets, so yes, another vote for a high dose of Seafoam. But before you do, pull the tank and inspect the little brass tube on top of the intake manifold. If you capped it off, make sure the cap didn't crack or blow off. If you still have a line connected to it, inspect the line for cracks.

[twowheeltherapy]

Hi Doc. Appreciate your insight. Thanks.

[HotRod]

Glad you are doing well and have your knees back in the wind. You are a loving and caring husband and father, it would concern me if you did not have those thoughts and apprehensions before all of this, my guess is that your experience has just heightened the awareness that you already had because you have seen first hand the same situation you would be in if something happened when you were riding. So take that heightened awareness and use it to your advantage to make yourself an even safer rider than you were before. Just my 1/2 pennies worth on that.

Besides checking the rubber nipple on the intake, also check the coaster enricher cover on the back side of the carb, it could be cracked, unless you have one of those fancy dancy aluminum ones.

Rod

[twowheeltherapy]

Your 1/2 pennies worth is worth a lot. You hit the nail on the head.

[Father Pobasturd]

Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead! You could get COVID and die next week so what are you gonna do, stop breathing? Just get that shit right out of your head. I want to ride so much more than I do, but in my case it's pain that stops me, and even at that, sometimes, I'll just say fuck it and ride anyway, Granted, it takes some of the fun out of it, but not ALL of the fun. I bet you're puttin' around out there like Grandma, all super careful and shit. You need some excitement, get the adrenalin flowing. You are missing the main ingredient in Two Wheel Therapy! Ride over your head a little bit, drag the footboards a few times, run it up to 100 for a few short bursts. That'll get the juices flowing. You are having all these thoughts about riding 'cause you're being complacent. The thrill is gone. Without that tingle, that special something , it's just another form of transportation. Ho-Hum. The worst possible thing you could do with your life is bore yourself to death. I'll rip off Shakespeare here and say, It is better to have rode and lost than to never have ridden at all. Now, get after it. By the way, it does sound like the coasting enrichener. Too bad you missed out on those groovy metal ones.

[twowheeltherapy]

LOL, yeah, I knew you'd say something like that!! hahaha. You're too funny.
The thrill is NOT gone. Once I'm riding, I'm in the zone. You got me all wrong. I did not fight so hard to live because I didn't want to die. I wasn't afraid of death then, and I'm not afraid of death now. I fought so hard to live so I could LIVE. There is a difference. What I've walked away with is, "The whole point of living is living"!

[EP Roadie]

As Father Pobasturd said, if you fell ride on ! About 9 years ago I was cut off leaving work on I-10 in El Paso at 4pm in rush hour traffic on a Friday. Ended up making the news ( I never saw ) as a motorcyclist going down. All I remembered was the 18 wheeler behind me as I changed into the fast lane at 60 mph + to cruise up to the upper valley where I live then going down as a Ford Explorer cut me off as I was hitting 5h gear. The sparks flew, I tumbled and all I could think about was the Berreta 9mm in my saddlebag and who might get it. Folks who had pulled over and ran to me told me to stay put, I thought shit that rig is about to run over me. Then I see the rig and traffic go around me as the cars behind me stopped and blocked traffic from running over me. Long story short, I had my Meniscus repaired ,my ACL rebuilt and went thru therapy while my Mrs waited on me during this time. If she knew I rode my RS around the neighborhood in my leg cast after I replaced the minor pieces while she was at work , I'd be buried for sure. Look, I jumped on not to be " chingon" just to make sure I was not spooked. I still have my RS, rode less to work then ( traffic got congested ) cause now I'm retired lifetime (LEO ) and plan to ride more COVID allowing She does ask me from time to time when I'm selling the RS and I reply when I'm too old to hold up two wheels between my legs, enough said. All I'm saying it's an individual decision..........

[Blackcloud12]

EP you made me chuckle a bit- one of my best friends was in a similar situation; crashed an ATV- blew up all his _CL's, meniscus, the works. His wife caught him on his BMW the other day and said she'd bury him if he did it again. LOL I'm sure she was only partly joking!

[twowheeltherapy]

Good to hear from you guys. Appreciate all the replies.

To add content, this risk assessment apprehension was exasperated by what we were going through all summer. We were facing having to move. We moved into this house (the house my wife grew up in) in 2015 to take care of her mom until she passed away in 2017. Since that time we have been working with the trust (for which my wife is a part of) to buy the other two family members out. The thought of packing up 50 years worth of her mom and dad's stuff was overwhelming and unnecessary since we wanted to stay and had the means to do so. However, one family member continually was uncooperative during the whole process (including the time I was in the hospital) and would not sign off on us purchasing the house.

Finally, this summer, at the same time I was really wanting to start riding again, it was apparent we were going to have to list the house. If my wife and I were not packing or planning another yard sale, we were searching for another place to live. In August when the house was in contract with a 45 day closing, we still didn't have anywhere else to go. So many times I wanted to go for a ride but knew that if anything would of happened to me, life would NOT have stopped and the full weight of what still had to get done would of fallen squarely onto my wife's shoulders. I wasn't going to let that happen.

With 29 days left we found another house. We finished moving in last week. That's why I went on that 4 hour ride last weekend. And that's why it felt so good. (And no FP I do not ride like a grandma haha). Doc_V you said it well, the very thing my soul wanted and needed to make life more bearable was the very thing threatening the life I was trying to preserve. HotRod, likewise, you're exactly right. My experience only heightened the awareness I already had, for now I know first hand what being injured or even facing death looks like.

Thank you all for your replies.

[brianmac]

Amen that's the way to be. that's the way to think. Maybe you have some trapped gas too I'm just kidding God bless you my brudda.